Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
