Just fell off a train. Bad.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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