Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
