The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize