I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I fill condoms, not promises.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
