Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
false alarm, still single
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
