I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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