just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize