I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
