i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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