pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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