Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
