Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
