the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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