That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
