please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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