I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
