Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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