That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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