took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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