you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
