Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
