Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
