possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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