i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
