I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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