on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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