I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
