either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
