I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
