I didn't shave. On purpose
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
