NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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