Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
