Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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