how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
