I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
