I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
