in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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