My liver just broke up with me...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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