so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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