so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
