You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
