i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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