he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize