Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
