chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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