My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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