hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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