i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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