I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't turn off my feet"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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