Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
