just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
