he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
