and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
