Umm I'm too high to move.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
