Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
