i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
