So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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