i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
