if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
