Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
