well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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