Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's JV to your varsity
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
