I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
