This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
