I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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