Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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