i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
