Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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