So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
