God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
