Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The ass gains better be worth it
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