The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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