Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
