Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
