I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
