Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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