Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
