i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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