He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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