thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
