If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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