so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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