I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
