Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
